The lost and lonely leader-MacCullum

The saddest part of this tournament has been watching Brendon McCullum slowly go to pieces. The swaggering, tattooed hard-hitting batsman has become almost a thing of memory, replaced by a lonely figure wearing an increasingly haunted look as his team stumbles from one nightmare to another.

His trials have not been on the field alone; they have come in the press conferences, where he has attempted to explain the inexplicable. At Port Elizabeth, he snapped at a journalist who asked him whether the exodus of Sanjay Bangar and Aakash Chopra was a sign the team would crack down on poor performers. "What are you trying to get at, mate?" was the terse reply. In Durban last week, asked whether his announcement that he would quit as captain was an emotional reaction, he said, "That's your call. Captains all over the world feel the pressure and I think should be accountable."

Like any top sportsmen, McCullum is a very competitive man and though his national side, New Zealand, don't win everything, they don't lose as badly as Kolkata Knight Riders or look as pathetic. And he has never captained before. "It hurts 20 times more when you lose as a captain," he has said. Especially captain of a team that can't bat, can't bowl and can't field itself through to a win.

Worst of all, the captain has been among the chief non-performers. A man who scored 69 off 55 balls in his last Twenty20 international just over two months ago has been out first ball, has patted short wide balls to fielders, dropped sitters, demoted himself and reinstated himself.

He has tried everything but nothing has worked. That has probably hurt the most. "I have found it difficult to deliver messages to the team without having individual performances to stack up," he said. Only good captains can pull off that trick. Mark Taylor went a year without any batting performances and Sourav Ganguly has been known to get angry with his players for fielding lapses despite being the slowest on the field. It takes strong character and a sense of ownership to achieve it. McCullum's lack of captaincy experience has been shown up in this tournament. He might have made the offer to quit on grounds of accountability but it has perhaps led to an image of a weak captain and a sensitive man under duress.

And alone. Most of his visits to the press conferences have been solo; he's tried to be frank but has often meandered into an emotional ramble. At various times, he has looked like he could do with a comfortable hug.

He got one today in public view. He had just finished the post-match ceremony and was heading towards the press meet when his coach, John Buchanan, stepped from the shadows of the dug out, put a hand over his shoulder and led him all the way to the media room, all the while talking in his ear. It was like an uncle comforting a young nephew over a deeply personal grief.

Buchanan tried to deflect the tough questions to himself and butted in with words of encouragement even when the question was directed to McCullum. "It's no use focusing on the negatives; we have positives to look and something to pat ourselves on our back." Finding water on a desert must be easier than finding positives from this game or indeed this tournament.

Yet he's maintained his dignity and sense of humour. After an earlier match, when presented with an envelope at the end of the press conference, he peered into it before breaking out into a weak smile: "Does it have any ideas for me?" Today, he handled a tough question with a soft touch. "In this competition, where the points table has been a very close thing, only one thing has been constant. Knight Riders have been always at the bottom." There was a collective gasp of silence in the room following the question and all eyes turned to McCullum. His lips somehow managed a smile before he said, "That point has not been lost on us as well. But we can't dwell on that. We need to look at ways to increase our performance; if the results don't go our way it's fine. At least we know we tried."

It's that attitude, that sense of pride, that has won him compassion from even the usually cynical press pack. The talk before the conference today was whether anyone would remind McCullum about his captaincy-quitting promise. In the end, no one asked. Some lines just can't be crossed.

I'll quit if we don't make semis - McCullum

Brendon McCullum was caught down the leg side, Deccan Chargers v Kolkata Knight Riders, IPL, 4th game, Cape Town, April 19, 2009
Brendon McCullum: "It hurts more when you lose as a captain. Twenty times more!" © Getty Images

Brendon McCullum has reiterated his stand of resigning as captain of Kolkata Knight Riders if the team doesn't reach the semi-finals of the current IPL tournament. He also said the toughest thing he was facing as a captain was his own poor form.

"I think every captain should be accountable for the results," McCullum said, echoing his statements after Kolkata's heavy defeat to Mumbai Indians on Monday. "You just can't drift along the journey; there is no accountability behind it. My job as a captain is to inspire the team and be competitive. If I can't inspire this bunch of talented people and reach the semi-finals then, yes, I will resign."

McCullum has presided over a woeful run for Kolkata - one win and one no result yielding three points in five games - and he believes it's down to a poor performance in the first six overs with bat and ball. "We are failing to do any damage in the top six overs either way. We haven't taken wickets at the start and we haven't scored much runs at the top. We are always been behind the game. Hopefully I will start scoring and get that right."

McCullum said that his lack of runs as a batsman has been tough for him to handle as a captain. "It's tough when you are delivering messages to the team. You don't have individual performances to stack up behind those talks. But you have to put aside individual disappointments and concentrate on what the team needs to do. If I can get the runs, though, and help these individuals it would be nice."

Has the captaincy affected his batting? "Well ... I haven't gone past two overs! So I can't say that. When I go into bat, I am not thinking about captaincy. For me batting is enjoyment and fun. I don't play with that kind of responsibility when I go out."

There is a clear difference, he says, between being a player and being a captain. "It hurts more when you lose as a captain. Twenty times more! It's just incredibly disappointing; it's tough."

For all the difficulties associated with the captaincy, McCullum appreciates the mental challenge. "The best part of it is, you get an opportunity to use your ideas and strategies on the game. When you walk off the park you know you have had the opportunity or making a mark on the game, win or lose."

McCullum inherits the captaincy from Sourav Ganguly, the team's icon player, and amid some controversy over the "multiple captaincy" theory. It could have been easier had he taken over from someone with less of an emotional hold on the team and the city - a Dravid, perhaps, or a Kallis. McCullum, however, denies any additional pressue on that account. "Sourav has been fantastic. I haven't take notice of the controversy.. I am a very competitive guy, and I'm passionate about playing for this side. It's an honour to lead a side with talents like this. I am not bothered about the captaincy controversy."

Mixed day for Knight Riders; they win 1, lose 1

Kolkata, April 15: Kolkata Knight Riders enjoyed mixed success as of the two practice games they played on Wednesday, winning one game while losing the other.

The Shah Rukh Khan owned team lost the first game against Free State by two wickets.

Defending a meagre target off 140 runs, they managed to stretch the home team to the last ball but in the end, the score just did not prove enough.

They bounced back in the second game to romp home to a 59 run victory. Chris Gayle and Brendon McCullum scored 76 each as KKR set up a formidable total of 204 runs in 20 overs. In reply, Free State could muster only 145/7.